My Friend (and yours) Arthur

http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p151/tripped2323/Portrait_of_Arthur_Konig.jpg


I should be getting skinnier right now. In the past few months I have grown perpetually fatter. It’s something else, it really is. It may be the first thing I have really succeeded in this year to date. I can get fatter! I don’t know how much I weigh or exactly how much I weighed before this year but you can tell by the seeming existence of the small child inside of me (though it doesn’t of course actually exist) that I have grown fatter. Yes! I do know why I’ve gotten fatter and again, YES I do know how to reverse the process but at the moment NO I will not take action! Yes, I know. I know that, that seems extremely stupid if you have such a large problem, pun intended, and you have the solution it would make immense amounts of sense to solve the damn problem. Most of the time I’d be down for that but in this instance the solution requires effort and not just mental effort but physical exertion, exertion of which I do not wish to exert. Beer, Mexican Food, and the convenience of disgusting fast food keep me pleasantly plump.
I’ve never actually had a certifiable gut. I do now, have a gut, a legitimate gut, surrounded on the sides by a fleet of love handles and above by a flat chest that exalts it even further. I’ve spent a large portion of my life with an extremely flat stomach, very, very firm and fairly fun to look at. After a few years of no swimming teeming with excessive laziness, reading, eating, and drinking alcoholic beverages I formed a little pooch. That’s what I’d like to call it, that’s what it used to be, a little pooch. I fear now that the pooch has pooches around it’s pooches and has created my gut, whose mane is Arthur. Be nice to Arthur you jerks. He’ll be around for a while. He’ll also be gone, I’m going to rid him of his fame the moment you all become attached, and you will he is mesmerizing.






Ft. My friend I found on the internet named "Arthur" (Top Right)